“Make hunger thy sauce, as a medicine for health.”
-Thomas Tusser

_ _ I’m a lady of a thousand faces. Most of the time I don’t know I’m making them but I undeniably wear my thoughts and emotions on my face… usually unattractively. I yam what I yam and that’s all that I yam… I accept it. What does still embarrass me, is my many, many voices. I crack, squeak, and lisp at bizarre times (I don’t have a lisp, but certain words I enjoy saying with a lisp and now I can’t stop). What can I say, I entertain myself. It’s NOT entertaining when I don’t have control over my vocal changes, however.
_ _ The other night while I was working at the restaurant, a very attractive couple were seated on the far side of the room. All the female employees “subtly” stared at the man, while the male employees ogled his date. As luck would have it, I was the one to run their soup and salad course, and apparently their combined beauty made me nervous, for as I set down their plates, I said in a terrifying, croaky, monster voice “Enjoy your stewww!” …When I heard this come out of my mouth, even I was creeped out. I immediately turned, hunched my back and limped to the service alley, dragging my left foot behind me… Just kidding, but I did make a speedy exit and forced others wait on them the rest of the night. Lesson learned: treat beautiful people like eclipses (don’t look directly at them); and try to avoid saying the word “stew” like you’re Satan incarnate._
Continue reading “Enjoy Your Stew…”
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