Slow Cooker Peach Butter

“Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond…”

-Mark Twain

Spiced Honey Peach Butter


Like the classic apple butter… but with peaches. Perfect for summer! Because this is a recipe done in a slow cooker, you should make it on a day that you can spend your time around the house.

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Slow Cooker Pizza Sauce

“The best of us must sometimes eat our words.”

-J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets


Beautiful, dark red pizza/marinara sauce that’s so much better than store bought.

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Lox-ness Biscuits…

“I don’t often have the luck to dream like this. It is new to me for a nightmare to lead to a lobster. It is commonly the other way.”

-G.K. Chesterton, The Man Who Was Thursday

Smoked Salmon Biscuit with Chive & Dill Cream Cheese “Icing”


_ _ In life, my mom’s father has been both financially lucky, and savvy. A career in the Air Force allowed him to retire with multiple pensions: savvy; a company paid him to allow them to put up a cell phone tower on part of his several acres (and then didn’t stop paying him after the tower was no longer in use): savvy and lucky; he hit natural gas on his land and now can power his home for free: lucky; he created four ponds in which to raise catfish for profit, but they have now become his friends and pets, and at 89 years old he still makes the walk to them every day to feed his babies: funny.

_ _ I love my grandpa and I love these smoked salmon biscuits. They’re intended to be an appetizer, but filling enough to be dinner… and because they’re similar to a bagel with cream cheese and lox, I currently feel justified in eating them for breakfast as well.

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Avodcado-Poppy Seed Dressing…

“Sagebrush is a very fair fuel, but as a vegetable it is a distinguished failure. Nothing can abide the taste of it but the jackass and his illegitimate child the mule.”

-Mark Twain, Roughing It


_ _ In the 20th century the avocado has been hailed as one of many “superfoods.” They get less super as they’ve been sitting in your fridge for over a week and you have to pick around the brown spots… When in need of a recipe to use up that borderline disgusting produce you’ve allowed to go bad, this is a perfect solution! You can use it as a salad dressing, or a sandwich spread– but either way, get some vegetables in you, you disgusting Americans. Even if you do pair it with excessive bacon… like this disgusting American.

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No Mayo Mayoneggs…

“An egg is always an adventure; the next one may be different.”

-Oscar Wilde

Deviled Eggs with Roasted Red Pepper Hummus


_ _ I’ve always been an obnoxious stickler for grammar, spelling and pronunciation. Even in text messages I refuse to accept the replacement of “your” for “you’re”… they’re not the same word, dagnabbit! My first two years of college were spent wandering aimlessly from class to class, as I remained an Undeclared major. I should have known that I was meant to study English– I’ve always had an undeserved sense of superiority, dating back to my days in preschool. One of my clearest memories from the pre-K classroom is severely reprimanding my friend Tina for continuing to pronounce the word “yellow” as “lellow.” What a pleaseant child I must have been.

_ _ These deviled eggs are not your typical mayo-filled kind. After taking an entire BBQ chicken salad-pizza and pumpkin sheet cake to the face, I decided to try some healthier food for the next couple days, and thus these babies were born. The “lellows” are mixed with roasted red pepper hummus and light sour cream– so eat up, and revel in the sense of well-being that eating healthy and knowing how to properly contract words gives you!

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BBQ Chicken Salad-Pizza

“Seeing is deceiving. It’s eating that’s believing.”

-James Thurber

Thin Crust Pizza with Black Beans, Sweet Corn, & BBQ Chicken


_ _ One of my best friends from college has been in the Peace Corp for the last two years, but she and I bonded immediately during our freshman orientation, in the way that any solid friendship does: with the discovery of shared irrational fears and quirks. We quickly learned that we both love the scent of skunk (I’m the creep that rolls down the window at the first hint of the odor); and we both are absolutely petrified of whales. She felt more strongly about killer whales, while having nightmares about the giant blues is more my style… They have baleen and their babies are born the size of a school bus. Do I really need to explain myself further?

_ _ We also shared a torrid love affair with the California Pizza Kitchen. Although I rarely actually get a pizza there, I eat the cheesy bread sticks like starches won’t exist tomorrow and then I move on to the BBQ chicken salad. This pizza is an homage to both the salad and the restaurant’s namesake… and to anyone else who hates whales.

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